aftertherain

Well, it's been a year. Another year has flown by yet again, and I am gonna be 21 in April. Wow. haha. Reading back on the juvenile posts of yesteryear make me realise how childish and immature I actually was. Then again, those are fond memories of youth and the past.

I cannot bear to talk to him anymore. At first it was of love and fondness that evolved into nostalgia that I perused his life, then it became that of goodwill and friendship and care for this dear dear friend that I had spent 8 months of my most exciting, tumultuous and depressing teenage years. They say, to always discard the bad and remember the good. That, I wonder how many can do. I don't wish to remember the bad, but with the bad comes the good, the good.

Thinking back now, I must have been such a fool to love him so dearly and desperately although he hurt me so. I could go on about how bad it was but I will not. I suppose it is all now in the past. Discard the bad and only remember the good, or so they say.

He's not been very mature about it no matter how he likes to think. A huge reason why I have to turn away from him, even as a friend, is because of all the hatred he harbours. It must be really tiring hating someone like that. Why would someone have so much hate? I sincerely hope that one day he might get over it and find some peace within himself regarding the past and that awful matter.

The extent of how disastrous it was can actually be debatable, for I have seen cases of love hurt and love still strong. If he really loved me, he would have done what was appropriate and perhaps reconciliation might still be possible. I went all out for him for that year. I suppose people can only heal after they've really been shattered and devoid of all hope; hit the brinks of desperation and you will start to heal, slowly, but surely. A puzzle can only be put back together after it has been totally dismantled.

Perhaps if he really gave it all, if he only gave it another try, he wouldn't have accumulated so much hate. Hate, is not closure, baby. Then again, I have gotten over it. Maybe you should try to as well. I would really like to sit down and have coffee with you one day, no ill will.

I hope you get closure one day now that I've found mine.

I sought one from you before only to find all your doors slammed shut.

Maybe your episode's the reason why I'm back here, back to myself, back to before I met you.

But and hopefully only older and wiser.






I wish you could see clearly now the rain has gone.

Baby, the rain has gone.