I love you

I need time off to think. To be alone. To heal my hurt. To heal my pain. After 3 weeks, my heart is still in pieces.

I'm sorry I kissed you abruptly today. I thought I found myself. I thought I was back to when I could play and guard myself, vindictively take revenge on all men for being such bastards. But I realised I can feel no more, I can do this no more. My heart is now turned to stone. The last time it was living and breathing flesh was when it was with him. I cannot continue with anyone new. I'm sorry I just cant settle for second best.

They didn't give me the second chances I asked for.
He didn't love me enough.
They didn't love me enough.

And I am tired.
Too tired to try.
Too numb to try.
And I am sorry.

But I don't wish to go on hurting anyone anymore.

And I don't want to hurt myself for that matter.

As much as I am jealous of how he feels towards him and as much as how I gloat over the fact that we shared so much more, or rather, wish that he'll never have the same, because what we had was so raw, so intense, so sharp, so melancholic, so blurred, so high, so low, I wish you and Michael happiness. Although I've heard so much about him, and I don't want to see you go down the same route, for how can you be sure that he can love you as much as I did? But everyone deserves a second chance. And it pains me so much to let you go, but I have to let you go. I pray you find true happiness. It was just too bad that we left off as it was.

It pains me terribly.

After so long, I still feel tears streaming down my cheeks.

But I love you so much I have to let you go.

I love you.

I know you hate me.

I still love you.